25 August 2012

< Still Paris Bound >

Last night while laying in bed trying to sleep I asked myself "what IF we didn't go to Paris? What if?" I then began to ask myself if I was capable of just not going. It would be so easy to just not go. I felt like I could give up the chance to go. I have been a little shy about going, I think mostly cus I don't enjoy the traveling and getting around aspect of a new city and not knowing what to expect. I think also because we plan on renting an apt via airbnb, more cost effective, and it makes me just a little shy doing so. Also, it really would be nice to save that money for our move to the States...which is important to save as much as we can. So these thoughts were running in my head until I finally fell asleep. In the morning while still in bed I asked Jachen "what if we didn't go to Paris?"...his answer "it's your dream why wouldn't you want to go?" He is right, it is my dream.

That made me think. The reasons I am shy are not good enough and all things I can endure so that I can fulfill my dream plus I will have Jachen by my side and that always makes things better. I know I would regret it...Paris is next door for goodness sakes! This will be the last year...last 7months if we play our cards right...that Paris will be next door. Just a skip and a jump. I would just regret it too much. I already gave up Paris once{when I was headed to Switzerland in 2010 to be an Au pair my boss bought me a plane ticket with an eight hour layover in Paris so that I could leave the airport and see some of Paris. At first I was really excited about it, but then a few days before I began to be really uneasy about it. My dad made the arrangements to change my flight to leave earlier out of the Paris airport. So that's what I did. And actually good thing because it was an ugly rainy day and that flight ended up being cancelled due to strikes...so it worked out best in the end} and I don't think I could/should do it again. Besides it's not everyday you get a cheap trip to Paris.

I did not spend middle school thru college learning French to just never go to Paris. I did not take art history classes and minor in art history to never see the art in the Louvre. To never see The Raft of the Medusa in real life?? Get out of town! I always knew someday I would go...so I better go!

I have traveled to Hong Kong. I have traveled by myself freshly out of college to Au pair in Switzerland. I have traveled all by myself to Cairo. I have travelled to London...so, I can surely go to Paris.

I don't know what I was thinking last night when I almost convinced myself it was okay that I didn't go. I can't live in Europe and not see the Eiffel Tower nor walk down the Champs-Elysees. Who was I kidding!?

After realizing I was just being silly, I happened to need to get into my wallet, which honestly I never do, and there in my wallet where I placed it years ago was my picture of the Eiffel Tower. The picture that I have had close to me for years and even hung on my wall through college where it was then placed in my wallet to stay. Seeing the picture at that moment was a confirmation of my need to go. I am now even more determined and more excited. It is my dream.




kaitlin said...

i can't wait for you to go!! when is that again?

Emma said...

YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. end of story.